I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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