shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
