I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
