I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize