i barfeds in our rink
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
