Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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