My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
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But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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