I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
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Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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