Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
