jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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