you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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