Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize