I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
