Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
