Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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