READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
