ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
