There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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