how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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