Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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