i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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