Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
