if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
