I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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