You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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