You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
