I think I died a long time ago.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
