I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
