I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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