His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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