You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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