I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The air was thick with penises
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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