ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
