They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
