Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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