nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
