About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
