are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
