the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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