Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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