and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
