hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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