We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My ATM looks so different sober.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
