You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
