I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
