I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
