I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just blew my weed a kiss
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
