Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
