More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
