Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
