She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
