I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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