Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
