Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
