but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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