P.S. I can't hear my feet
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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