Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
