I'm really into asian looking animals
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
