so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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