Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
