im holly from the hills drunk
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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