I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
