I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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