I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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