booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
