i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
