I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
