You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
